"Wall Street Journal Letter Vs. Civil War Letter...Take 2..."

I'm learning...and I'm learning from you...

Thank you, Swans, for your helpful commentary. I hope this video is more to point and delivers what you wanted more clearly and thoroughly than the last one did.

As my colleague, you set the bar a little higher than I did for myself and I appreciate it.

As always, let me know what you pros think, please.

--Peter

Comments

[Kyle Tully]

Your rewrite is definitely better. Without getting technical it just feels better.

[Copywriter :: Peter Stone]

Kyle,

Thanks for saying so.

--Peter

[Kevin Francis]

Peter,

Really enjoyed this. The layout of setting out the different versions next to each other is most helpful.

Your "mini-narrative" mindmap has been "swiped" and now forms part of my "Copy Toolbox" (along with other Peter Stone classics such as "The Dark Alley").

Yes, much prefer your version of the "Civil War" letter. As you say, the simple addition of those structural elements makes it much more compelling.

Great stuff. You really should be charging for this!

Kevin Francis

[Copywriter :: Peter Stone]

Kevin,

Thank you so much, for your enthusiastic comments.

Please, don't hesitate to suggest a letter as the subject of a forensic exam.

Sending that letter to me might avoid the frustration of hearing, "I don't have it," but that's certainly not necessary.

Anyway, and as always, thank you.

--Peter

[Robert]

Peter,

Thanks for this Wall Street Series. Forensics are fun – as the CSI series has proven...and Quincy, M.E. (if anyone but me is old enough to remember). Perhaps "Stone, C.E." will be the next hit.

Having never had a creative writing class in my life, the narrative education was interesting.

Looking at this from a rhetorical angle, one line kept jumping out at me, "Dependent on Children".

If this letter was successful (though flawed), I'm willing to bet it was that line delivered to a pre social security generation that packed the wallop or worked as the hook to keep readership.

I'm thinking of my Grandfather or my dad. 1) not being a "burden" was and is a huge drive in their psyche. 2) Leaving something behind is a close second.

The second element that popped for me in the older letter was the use of truism, and self evident truth to set up the sales arguments he was about to make.

Anyway, thanks again for the great video's and I'm looking forward to the next showing of Stone, C.E.

[Copywriter :: Peter Stone]

Robert,

Quincy? (-:

Your sensitivity to what sells ... to the reader is always impressive.

--Peter